For Pallavi and Baburao Kadam, now living in Myyrmäki, it was clear already on their first meeting: they would get married. It was not about falling in love at first sight, but a decision made by their parents after careful consideration.
Both were very satisfied with that decision.
- Pallavi is just like her family: peaceful, Baburao praises and gives his wife a tender look.
- My mother sure knows her daughter and knows, what kind of man she needs, Pallavi Kadam says gratefully.
The couple’s four year old daughter Aditi rushes to show us a dog that she made at her Finnish kindergarten.
The father-in-law as a detective
The Kadams come from Mumbai, India. Traditionally, before the engagement takes place, months of spying and several dates are required, but none between the two youngsters. Their families observe each other on the dates, because what kind of family, that kind of child.
- The bride’s father will go spying to see what kind of house and what education the young man has, and if he has ever been fired from work, Baburao Kadam adds.
In India, there are spouse finding agencies helping families to organize marriages. With education one can raise his or her ranking most in matrimonial market. Education determines one's social status in the country of insane living standards contradictions.
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But that’s not the case of the Kadams, because Paburao works as an architect and Pallavi is a teacher.
The last word in this couple’s case was given by an astrologer, who consulted the stars and confirmed that their horoscopes matched.
Do-it-yourself marriages on the internet
The computer is an increasingly important tool in modern times for spouse finding agencies.
The Indian partner finding machines are effective. You type down whether you want partner to use alcohol or eat meat, his or her ideal weight and whether the caste makes a difference to you. The computer also runs a calculator to find matching horoscopes.
Even the families of the youngsters who are of marriageable age have started using possibilities offered by modern computers.
- Our unmarried friend in Espoo gets constantly links from his family to matching girls’ profiles from the partner finding service. He talks with the girls on the phone and when he finds a nice girl, he gives his family the permission to visit her family, Pallavi tells.
However, lots of Indians are trying to find a partner by themselves, without getting help from anyone else. According to Mr. Kadam, in modern India already 40 percent of marriages are based on pre-marital love-relationships, and not on work done by the families.
- My friend made herself a profile on the net, and found 10-15 matching fiancés, Pallavi tells.
Minimalizing risks
However the Kadams are not convinced that partners should be found on your own.
- When a boy is looking for a girl, he mostly thinks about her looks, Baburao Kadam suspects.
Pallavi Kadam is concerned about whether the person on the net is giving a truthful picture of himself. And what if the sparkle starts burning before the important matching factors has been properly clarified?
- I have seen what kind of lives my friends live when they choose their love by themselves. They want to break up and get back together, break up and get back together, Pallavi wonders.
That starts to sound nervously familiar. It’s western relationship culture at its best!
- If there is a problem with the arranged marriage, parents are always there to help. If you find a partner by yourself, you have the responsibility, Pallavi adds.
The Kadams have settled down to Finland very well in these five years. Even the language is not that strange anymore. What if someday Aditi brings home a Finnish boyfriend?
Pallavi and Bapurao are smiling.
- Then we will have to accept it.
- We cannot even imagine what the ways to find a partner will be like once Aditi comes to that age.
Article written by Natalia Kisnanen
Originally published in Vantaan Lauri
Translated by Heidi Bäckström
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